Humble Rants 30 May 2012

Posted Wednesday, May 30, 2012 in Opinion

Humble Rants 30 May 2012

by Robert Skoglund aka The humble Farmer

My wife Marsha is screaming. “What a Wus.” 

“What is a Wus?” I ask. 

“A Wus is a wimp.”

Our friends want us to go up to the end of Long Cove this afternoon in two rubber boats with motors on them. I own the western side of the end of Long Cove and I’ve probably only seen it from the water three times over the past 40 years. I would like to admire those huge pines, but if the boat were to sink or tip over, the cold water would quickly snuff me. If you fall overboard on the Maine coast life jackets only mean that you have a few more minutes to see your life flash before your eyes.

Every time I hear about someone who goes through the ice in a snowmobile or perishes in a pond I say to myself, “Why do people go out in little sinkable boats or drive snowmobiles on ice?” And I think how much better it would read in the newspapers if one were to be trampled in the back yard by a dozen prize-winning beef critters rushing for the grain bucket in your hand.

So I tell The Almost Perfect Woman that the thought of my lifeless body being fished out of Long Cove does not appeal to me. 

I’d forgotten that she works on an island on the other end of Long Cove and that she has never walked to get there. Every day, be it foggy, windy, or rainy, she gets in a thing called a Nordica and is ferried to work. “I used to run it myself when I could,” she says. “What a Wus.”

And then it occurred to me that many of the fools who went through the ice or flipped over in a canoe might have spent that day in bed had not some higher power cried out with mocking derision, “Wus, Wus, Wus.”

Just in case I’m lost at sea this afternoon, please know that I perished under protest.

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