Humble Rants 23 May 2012

Posted Wednesday, May 23, 2012 in Opinion

Humble Rants 23 May 2012

by Robert Skoglund aka The humble Farmer

You might have seen this ad. It says, “He’s Got the Libido of a 20-Year-Old ...  Cambridge scientists have developed a game-changing testosterone booster that will skyrocket performance in the gym and desire in the bedroom... Learn More”  

Think what having “the Libido of a 20-Year-Old” means. 

If I may quote my mother, it means that "you have no more brains than God gave geese." Most of the time you are running in mindless circles, much like a mother cow who has just been separated from her calf. Every night you’re out on the town, going places you shouldn’t and getting stuck in your car or running out of gas, walking 15 miles to get home from the top of some unknown mountain or some mosquito infested bog , or going to dances at The Blue Goose or Simington’s Corner. All of which ensures that you barely have strength enough to get to work the next day.  

When I was 20, when my ship was in Baltimore, I’d hitchhike home for a weekend --- in January. 

Are you listening? I’d walk off the ship in Baltimore at 5 PM and hitchhike 503 miles at night in January. Probably get home around noon on Saturday because I might be standing on the George Washington Bridge or the Maine turnpike for two hours. Go to a dance Saturday night, and on Sunday morning hitchhike from St. George, Maine back to Baltimore. 

All of this is recorded in intimate detail in my diaries which, when they are published (because of the mandatory spicy affairs with my cleaning wench) should put me right up there with William Byrd and Samuel Pepys. 

I’m 76 years old. Been there, done that, and I’m going to say “Thank you,” --- I’m going to pass on having the Libido of a 20-Year-Old. That would be just like giving someone permission to stick a tube in your left ear and then suck the entire cranial cavity dry. 

If you don’t believe me, read a few pages from the diary you kept when you were 20.

The humble Farmer can be heard Sundays at 7 on WRFR in Rockland and Tuesdays at 2 on WMPG Portland.

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